Word Perv

Please? Let’s just forget all about last night. No? Not going to let me off the hook that easily? You, my faithful readers, demand to know what happened on last night’s date. You’ll harass me with emails and text messages until I fess up, laying it all out in gory detail. Fine. Have it your way. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s ugly people, really ugly.

He sent me a text message saying he’d be late, which was fine since I was tailgating before the game anyway, and as it turned out, the game started at 8pm as opposed to 7:30pm as I had originally thought. He showed up around 7:35pm, meeting me at the stadium. By this point I’d been tailgating for nearly an hour and had drank about 3 beers. I also had a beer before I left my house, so it’s 7:35pm, I’ve drank 4 beers and I haven’t eaten since I had an apple around 2pm. Everyone with me so far? Should I remind my dear readers of my petite size? No, no need for that, you all remember this little detail and by now you’re doing the mental calculation of “how drunk is Courtney?”. Not yet dear readers, at this point I’m feeling fine.

We walked into the stadium, heading toward the rowdy section that I like to sit in, but not before grabbing a beer. And by beer I mean a 20 oz cup. That was the first of three I would drink during the game. So essentially I drank the equivalent of 6 beers in less than 90 minutes. Add that to the 4 I drank earlier and I’m up to 10 beers. All in the matter of a couple hours. I weigh 110 pounds people. I’m hammered by this point.

My date and I head out, and this is where my memory gets a little fuzzy. Perhaps I should be thankful for this because I can plead ignorance regarding anything I said or did. I know I told him I liked him. He then told me he’s too fucked up from his last relationship and isn’t ready/can’t/doesn’t want to date right now. Great. Just what every drunk girl who admitted she likes you wants to hear.

Fast forward a little bit (never fear, I’m not leaving out juicy details, I just don’t remember them), and we’re getting off the metro. Suddenly I know I’m done for it. All that beer and lack of food and movement from the train is too much on my little system and I lean over the tracks and throw up. Oh yes, I’m a high class kind of girl.

He graciously held back my hair and when the cop came by and asked (I think?) if I needed an ambulance (fuck I must have looked bad), my date politely said no, I was fine, we were going home and I had just had too much to drink. Somehow I stumbled home, though I think he may have been helping me quite a bit. Getting home I tried valiantly to take my dog for a walk. He took the leash from me, told me to sit down and drink some water and he took her out.

Any of this sound familiar to anyone? Oh yes dear friends, I’m referring to the holiday party last year that resulted in me getting hammered beyond words (once again, lots of alcohol and no food) and my dear friend Wendel caring for me during my inebriated state. Ahh, memories.

Soon my date was back from walking my dog and my head was in the toilet, once again throwing up while he held my hair back. Finally, all the booze was out of my system and I brushed my teeth and fell into bed.

At 6am the alarm on his blackberry went off, waking us both up. I slowly opened my eyes, head pounding, mouth chalky and dry. Remembering the night before I closed my eyes again, wanting to block it out and hoping it was all just a really, really, really bad dream. But it wasn’t and laying beside me in bed was my date. Damn it. Nothing quite like being half naked in bed with the guy you like and not having so much as kissed him. Well that’s not an entirely true statement. I kissed him last week, but last night, nothing. Of course I got drunk, threw up, and then finally passed out so it’s quite  reasonable why nothing happened last night. And given my fuzzy memory of the conversation we had, it’s also a good thing nothing happened last night. Nothing like sex to complicate things. My drunken confession complicated things enough.

So shortly after his alarm woke us up we got out of bed, me heading out to walk my dog, he heading to catch the metro home.

And that dear readers, was perhaps one of the shittiest nights I’ve had in a while. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m hung over and I need to pretend none of this happened.